As I’m posting this, this past Sunday was Father’s Day. This was a day set aside to celebrate fathers, which is awesome, but this is also an excellent opportunity for us, as fathers, to reflect on our fatherhood and see if we are the fathers that our Heavenly Father would have us to be. Fathers, I challenge you to strive to reflect God’s fatherhood through your own.
The relationship between parent and child is meant to reflect the relationship between God and us. It is through the parent child relationship that we first learn how to relate to God. That is the way it’s supposed to work. As fathers, we are supposed to reflect the character of our Heavenly Father to our children. The same is true for mothers. Do we do that? When we don’t do it well, it can hurt their relationship with God. If our parents didn’t do it well, it may have hurt our relationship with Him. In either case, it doesn’t have to remain that way. It is my hope that this article will help parents to better know how to relate God’s character to their children and, for children who’s parents did not do that well, for them to better understand His character now.
The fifth commandment is to “Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12) and the instructions that we give our children should, among other things, mirror the other nine commandments, the instructions that He gave to us. However, our children are not going to obey us perfectly, not even close, just as we do not obey Him perfectly. How we handle that very much matters. In fact, how we react when our kids don’t do what we teach them may be just as important as what we teach them in the first place.
Ephesians 6:4 says “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord”. Colossians 3:21 says “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged”. We certainly should teach our children right from wrong. We certainly should expect that they obey us. However, when they mess up, as they certainly will, we must be gentle with them. If we are to truly raise them in the training and admonition of the Lord, we cannot be overly harsh, either in our actions or expectations, just as He is not overly harsh with us. To do otherwise would only serve to discourage them, to make them stop even trying, to please either us or Him.
How did Jesus handle disobedience?
John 8
3 Then the scribes and Pharisees brought to Him a woman caught in adultery. And when they had set her in the midst,
4 they said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act.
5 Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do You say?”
6 This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear.
7 So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first.”
8 And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground.
9 Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst.
10 When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “Woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”
11 She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.”
12 Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.”
This woman was caught in adultery, sexual sin. How should we treat such sin? Should we give grace? Jesus did (verse 7). Should we still be willing to call it sin and admonish people not to act this way? Jesus did (verse 11). It is He Whom we are called to follow and to emulate. How should we apply His example to parenting? In order to answer that question, let’s look at another passage of Scripture.
2 Timothy 2
22 Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.
23 But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife.
24 And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient,
25 in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth,
26 and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will.
I’m going to talk about this out of order. Let’s take verse 26 and move backward, start with the conclusion and see how to get there.
Verse 26 speaks of someone having been ensnared and taken captive by the devil, to do his will. We all start off that way, because we are all born with a sinful nature. Of course, this includes our children.
Verse 25 says that we are to correct them in humility. Why? So that we will perhaps lead them to know the truth, His Truth, to know Him, and thus be brought to repentance.
Verse 24 says that we are to be gentle with them, not to quarrel with them, but rather to teach them. We should look for teachable moments, tell them why we are telling them to do or not to do something.
This will help us to do as verse 23 instructs, to avoid foolish disputes, which only generate strife. We should not exude authority simply for the sake of it. We should only correct them when there is actually something to correct and we should do that correction gently and in an instructional way, not a bullying way.
This will then help them to do as verse 22 instructs, to avoid youthful indiscretions. It will help both us and them to “pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart”. There are a couple of key things in this verse. Doing these things will help us to “call on the Lord out of a pure heart”. He will then help us to “pursue righteousness”. Note that it says “pursue” righteousness. It does not say that we are to “attain” righteousness. The realization of righteousness is not something can be attained, this side of Heaven, and trying to hard to do so can only result in discouragement, the same discouragement we saw earlier, spoken of in Colossians 3:21, which says “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged”.
We have now come full circle in our discussion. Exodus 20:12 instructs our children that they are to honor us but we are to also honor them by raising them the way that God told us to. In so doing, we honor them and, more importantly, we honor Him. There is probably no greater disservice we can do Him than to represent Him inaccurately to our children, to those with whom He has entrusted us and through whom He has blessed us. It is not possible for us to do this perfectly. I admit that I don’t do it nearly as well as I should. We all need His help. I challenge you to seek that help, to seek Him in all you do, especially in this area of parenting. We need His help to raise the next generation of Christians and to make them truly feel His love, through us. In so doing, we will help them to better relate to Him, to truly know Him.
Now, I would like to talk to the children. Many people are parents but everyone has a parent. Did your parents represent Him well to you? If not, I’m sorry. Many parents, even those who truly mean well, try to parent largely through coercion and guilt. When this is the heart of the earthly parents, this can lead their children to assume that this is also the heart of God but nothing could be further from the truth.
Think back with me about the woman caught in adultery, in John 8:3-11, that we talked about earlier. At that time, by God’s own law, adultery was punishable by death, but Jesus’ mission was one of grace. The whole point of the law was to demonstrate our need for grace, which Jesus gives to us infinitely. Did Jesus say to the woman “I cannot believe that you have done this”? No, He said “He who is without sin among you, let him throw a stone at her first” (verse 8). Did He say “I told them to leave you alone but now I’m going to lecture you Myself”? No, He told her that He did not condemn her (verse 11). This was not a privilege unique to her. There is no condemnation for those who are in Jesus, who have accepted Him as Lord (Romans 8:1). Those of us who can honestly call Him Lord do have responsibilities to Him. Repentance is the first thing He ever preached about and He told this woman to “go and sin no more”. We are supposed to do our best not to sin but, when we do fail at that, as we sometimes inevitably will, He gives more grace (James 4:6) and His mercies are new every day (paraphrase of Lamentations 3:22-23). If He is your Lord, then that is His heart toward you.
Matthew 7
7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.
9 Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?
10 Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!
Everyone who asks receives, though not always exactly what you ask for, in fact very often not. As parents, we often don’t give our children what they ask for and/or not always when they ask for it, for their own good. Same for God and us. Also, if God stopped all bad things in the world, that would break free will, which is the basis of every meaningful relationship, including the relationship with Him. Those are both topics for other articles. So He does not always give us what we ask for but He always gives love and grace. Of course you aren’t perfect. None of us are but He doesn’t hold that against us. That is what His sacrifice and the resulting grace are all about. No matter your struggles and imperfections, God is not ignoring you or mad at you. He loves you, more than you can possibly imagine. If you are a child who has not had this sentiment of unconditional love modeled well by your earthly father (or mother), come to your Heavenly Father. If you are a parent who has not modeled this well to your children, come to Him. In Him, both of you can find grace and love and hope and, ultimately, peace. If you want to know more about coming to Him, check out the “The Most Important Thing” section of this website.
